Why self-care isn’t self-centered.

You guys, I’ve been meaning to post this all week, literally.  I wrote it last weekend.

But between getting my kids ready to go back to school, and watching heart-broken everything happening in Texas right now, I just couldn’t, you know?

But reading through what I wrote, it feels relevant, and I’d love for you to share any thoughts you have on the subject in the comments below…

It’s the start of a new school year, which honestly, is way more exciting/motivating and feels way more like a fresh start to me that the actual New Year, which means, setting new goals.  (I was one of those annoying kids that actually LOVED the first day of school.  And I mean loved.  Like all the way through college.  It was my favorite.  My kids think I’m so annoying asking them a million times how excited they are to start school.)

But I digress.

I thought I would share with you one of my goals for this new (school) year.

Today I want to talk about self-care, because I think it’s something that a lot of us women have trouble with.  Especially as mothers.  But I think it’s really, really important to take care of yourself.  There’s a reason when you get on an airplane they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first.  You can’t really help another person if you’re barely surviving.  But we women are funny that way.  We’re more likely to put the mask on everyone else first and then pass out from lack of oxygen.

I know, because as much as I want to be good about self-care, it’s something I really struggle with.  Honestly, most days I put all self-care items last on my list, I work too late, and go to bed exhausted- completely rung out, only to wake up feeling like literal death.  It’s not pretty, and it’s not really the way I want to live my life either.  And it certainly doesn’t make me a better wife or mother.  Feeling exhausted all the time, completely drained, does not a happy mom make.

It hit me the other day, that while I was getting by okay-ish on fumes, if anything major happened in our life, anything that required a little emotional, and mental stamina, I was not prepared to deal.

In my church we are taught that God wants us to " ‘prepare every needful thing’ so that, should adversity come, we may care for ourselves and our neighbors…"  I feel like self-care is one of those needful things that we never think of or talk about when it comes to being prepared, but it’s like a 72 hour kit for your soul.  How can you feed anyone when you’re starving yourself?

Self-care isn’t about being self-centered either.  It’s about caring for our minds, bodies and souls, so that we can be good stewards of the gift God has given us, and so that we can be His hands on Earth.

The tricky part is making it happen.  Cause there are so many things that need attention everyday, and these often crowd out the things that help us prepare to be and feel our best selves.

Something I am going to try and do, is to commit to certain self-care things and really stick to them.  For me, the best way to do that is to keep it simple and sacred.

Let me explain.

If I overcomplicate things in my life, they don’t happen.  With 4 kids, a business, a new (old) house we’re slowly remodeling, I’ve got to keep things simple, or else they don’t happen.  And second is keeping to my commitments to myself, the way I’ve committed to other important parts of my life.  So far, it’s working out, and I’m really starting to see a difference in how I feel, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

So here are my simple acts of self-care that I have committed to doing daily/weekly.

Getting ready everyday.  I know not everyone is like this, but I feel terrible (like literal garbage) when I don’t get ready for the day.  I get a little depressed, I’m not as effective (which makes me feel worse), I’m less patient, etc. etc.  Even when I’m sick, I usually take a shower, and put a little makeup on, otherwise I feel worse.  This is how I work, and I know that.  It doesn’t have to be fancy, just a little effort makes a world of difference.

Eat well.  Sometimes I’m so busy feeding and taking care of my family that I don’t take the time to properly fuel my body.  There are too many days to count where the first balanced meal I’ve had all day is dinner.  And that’s only because I prepared it for my family.  But I am better all around when I fuel my body with good wholesome foods.  My trick for making it happen (when I’ve been good at it in the past) is thinking ahead before I grocery shop and then having 3-4 easy healthy meals I can whip up fast for breakfast and/or lunch.

Exercise everyday.  I wrote a whole post on this early this month, and you can see how I make it happen.  I am such a happier person when I work out, and I love how good I feel physically too.

Take time to unplug and reconnect.  It’s hard when you work from home on your computer, not to become a mindless tech zombie.  Turning it all off and spending quality uninterrupted, in-the-moment time with Craig and our kids is really important to me.  I try to make sure I put it all away when they get home and really talk to them.

Get enough sleep.  This will forever be a challenge for me because I am a terrible night-owl, but I’ve also learned in the last couple years that I can’t just stay up late every night and get up early and have it not affect me.  For me, the key is picking a bed time and then making myself stop for the night.  Still working on this one.  (as I type this at 11:45pm)

Feed my spirit.  Spending quiet time reading my scriptures, pondering eternal things and praying, always gets pushed aside by life.  But it should be the most important thing I do everyday, and I’m trying to make it that way again.  I think the key for me is putting in on my schedule and list, so I make sure to do it.

Treat myself.  I think people who feel their own value, treat others better and recognize their value as well.  It’s always been a challenge for me to value myself.  To feel worthy of, well anything.  One of the ways I’ve helped myself to feel that I am, is by treating myself.  And for no other reason than I deserve it because I am a human being with intrinsic worth.  It doesn’t have to be a big treat either.  I like to buy myself flowers once a week because they make me happy, or let myself sit outside with a book or a home magazine for an hour and just read a little.  A McDonald’s diet coke or a trip to the nail salon also do the trick and help me feel like I’m not just surviving, but thriving.

I mean, after all:

"Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." -Gordon B Hinckley

What do you do to practice self-care?

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What is it like to lick a vagina?

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Have any of your family members ever approached you for sex?

Have you ever had incest sex with a family member?

What is it like to have sex with relatives?

Have you ever turned down sex with someone after seeing his cock because of how big it was? What is the biggest thing you have had in your pussy and do you have photos?

What was the most painful intercourse you have experienced?

Do girls love to be fucked?

What are the rough sex things that you like as a girl?

How is it like to be fucked?

How do I fuck a girl very hard?

How do you insert your penis in your wife's anus?

Is it painful for women to be fucked in ass?

What's so great about fucking you gf or wife in the ass?

Does it feel good for a cock to cum in your ass?

Does fucking a man in the ass feel as good as pussy?

How does it feel when another man puts his penis in your butt?

What does a penis feel like in the anus from a female perspective?

As a man, how does it feel like when you put your penis inside the vagina for the first time?

Is it normal if I can't insert my penis into my partner's vagina?

How can a vagina take a 10 inch penis?

Can a vagina squeeze a penis and hold it in?

Can a woman take an 8-inch penis?

What is the longest depth a penis can penetrate the vagina?

Can you feel when you are hitting someone's cervix during sex?

If a girl's vagina is less than 5 inches deep, where does the remaining penis go if it is longer than 5 inches?

What does the first thrust into a vagina feel like for the women?

What does it feel like to have your penis inside a vagina?

How many women would prefer a 12-inch penis over a 10-inch one, and vice versa?

Is a 5.5 inch penis big enough for most women?

Is a 9-inch penis too long for most women?

What penis size do women prefer?

What does it feel like for a woman to have sex with a man with a large penis?

Have you ever had sex with a big thick penis?

How do girls like penis, thick or large?

How "thick" is a thick penis?

What does it feel like to have a thick penis in you?

How does it feel for a woman to try double vaginal sex?

How hard is double penetration to do? How does it feel?

What's it like for a woman to receive double penetration?

What does an 8+ inch penis feel like inside you?

Have you ever had double penetration sex?

How does it feel to be "double penetrated"?

When a woman has sex with two men at the same time (one in the anus, one in the vagina), do the two penises touch each other inside the woman?

What was your first bottom gay experience like?

Did you ever have a gay experience as a teen?

What was an amazing gay sex experience you had?

Can you describe the dirtiest sexual experience you have ever had?

What was the hottest inappropriate sex you ever had?

Does having sex with men with large penises stretch out the vagina?

What are your hottest and sexiest experiences of quick sex?

What precisely does a woman feel during the very first penetration?

Have you ever been double penetrated vaginally and anally, double vaginally, or double anally?

Did you ever have accidental sex?

How and with whom did you have your first dp (double penetration) experience?

How was your first sex experience as a female?

What do you actually do during sex?

How does it feel after having sex for the first time?

What phrases do you like to hear during sex?

What should I say during sex?

Do you love to have sex with strangers?

As a teacher, have students ever offered sex for good grades?

Did you ever have sex with your teacher, or caught her naked?

What it is like to have sex with your female teacher?

Have you ever had sex while sleeping?

Have you ever allowed your partner to have sex with someone else?

How does it feel to have sex in front of a crowd or in public?

What was your sexiest experience with a stranger?

Do women enjoy double penetration?

Have you ever had sex with a complete stranger, and if so, what's your story?

Have you ever had sex in the presence of someone?

What's your craziest sex experience with a stranger?

Have you seen your mom had sex with a stranger at home?

Have you ever slept with your teacher?

How can I get myself a hot wife?

How should I prepare for anal sex? I'm afraid I'll be too tight to enjoy the experience.

What is your naughtiest desire?

How deep did you go in anal sex?

What is the naughtiest thing you have done with a coworker?

What is the dirtiest most enjoyable sex scenario you have ever had?

What is your naughtiest experience that you would never do again?

What was the sluttiest thing you have ever done in public?

Housewives, what's the naughtiest thing you've done while your partner was at work?

What is the naughtiest thing you have ever done as an adult?

What's the most naughty thing you've let someone do to you?

What was the naughtiest thing you did with strangers?

Do you find your wife at 40 attractive?

My wife is too beautiful and gets stares from every man. What should I do?

What is the sluttiest thing you watched your wife do with your friend?

What is the sluttiest thing you have done that was out of character for you?

What is the nastiest thing you ever did with your friend's husband/wife?

Has your husband ever shared you with his best friend? How did you respond to this?

What is the naughtiest thing you have done with a friend?

What is your dark secret with your sister?

What is the most inappropriate experience you've had with your sister's friends?

What was the nastiest thing you did with your stepsister?

What's the naughtiest thing your mom or your mom's sister has done with you?

Have you ever done anything naughty with your stepsibling?

Have you ever been naughty with your friend's spouse?

What is the sluttiest thing you asked your wife to do?

What was the best sharing experience of your wife?

Have you ever shared your wife accidentally?

What are benefits of wife sharing?

What is it like to have a beautiful wife?

My boyfriend and I are looking into hotwifing. Why will my boyfriend share me but end his marriage when his ex cheated?

Should I be a hot wife?

Do women who are hotwives also love their husbands?

My wife wants to be a hot wife. I think I would enjoy and not be jealous. What are the pros and cons?

My husband wants me to be a hot wife. Should I?

What is it like being married to a hot wife?

What is it like being a hotwife?

How hot is your girlfriend or wife?

How do you convince your wife to become a hot wife?

Should I start dressing more slutty to stop feeling jealous when I'm out with my boyfriend, and I see him subtly gazing at other girls on the street/stores who are dressed more provocatively?

How do you get your girlfriend to wear sexy clothes?

Is it ok to wear a shapewear with an opening in the crotch to sleep in?

Which lingerie are you wearing today?

Do women like wearing lingerie?

What do you love about lingerie?

Can you suggest me a sexy outfit to seduce my husband?

Would a bride wear lingerie on her wedding night?

What special lingerie did you wear on your wedding or honeymoon night?

What do husband's want their wives to wear to bed?

What does the most successful lingerie look like?

Do you feel comfortable in lingerie or do you only wear it for your partner?

Do guys actually like lingerie?

How do I make my wife love lingerie just like I do and wear them to bed and give me surprises?

Do you find it sexy or a turn on if a man you like asks you to wear sexy lingerie before having sex?

What makes a physically average woman sexy?

Do you think someone can be sexy without being actually good looking?

What should I do to make my girlfriend feel sexy?

What is the purpose of women/girls wearing underwear (panties)? Why do they wear them?

How do I pleasure myself while wearing panties or lingerie?

Do you wear lingerie for a man during sex?

Do you find your partner to be more sexy if she is wearing a lingerie at night? Do you expect her to wear it every night?

I love to see my wife in sexy lingerie. Should I ask her to wear stockings and high heels together in bed occasionally?

What type of lingerie do men like?

Do men actually like lingerie? I feel sexy in it, but it tends to come off within just a few minutes. Am I just wearing it for myself or do men actually appreciate it?

Are women sexier in lingerie or nude?

What is the best lingerie for women?

What is your favourite lingerie for your husband?

What's the point of wearing lingerie if it's always been taken off?

What did your first time wearing lingerie feel like?

What is it about women's lingerie that men find so enticing?

Ladies, what type of lingerie do you like to wear for your boyfriend?

How do I look sexy in lingerie?

What type of lingerie can I wear to make my husband happy?

How can one persuade one's wife to wear lingerie?

Does your wife or girlfriend ever wear just her panties and bra at home?

If your boyfriend asked you to wear lingerie he picked out, would you?

How do I start wearing lingerie for my husband if I have never worn it before?

I'm too embarrassed to wear lingerie for my husband, how do I get over this?

What women's clothes and lingerie do men think are totally hot?

I wonder what kind of lingerie can make men crazy?

Why is lingerie such a turn on for men?

Why do we (men) love women's lingerie during sex?